The End is the Beginning is the End

My favorite living poet:  Dax Riggs

If the beginning is the end is the beginning and the end is the beginning is the end,  then it is more than appropriate that we end our journey where it began Dr. Sexson; in the Fall of 2011 with the poetry of Dax Riggs and the spirit of Dionysus.

Graveflower

Stoned I awoke in your temple To blackness above you And death beside me Where kitchen knives conspire Razor blades make bloodless Love Like Murder The ghost of a pale girl is solemnly following me Will she follow me Into the sea I feel the flowers screaming To consume you Like Murder Earth and sky your cradle Earth and sky entomb you and death beside me I burrow through the dust In your skull But I cannot seem to find your soul Bloodless and numb we orbit the sun Hungry will this pale thing follow me into the sea On the cold side of her face The reptiles awake Locust swarm from open mouths That sing thy kingdom come While blackness hums Nothing is true and I'm tired of your sad today You're screaming because There's nothing left for you to say.
---Dax Riggs

I have drowned in the Sea of Stories and been reborn in the image of Dionysus, the god that has been both beside me and within me on this journey.

My final argument, the completion of the circle, and my favorite discovery; a hidden poem.  I truly do study song lyrics as a scholar would poems and in the last few months I have become obsessed with vinyl records.  I noticed on the inner jacket of the album version of "When the Kite String Pops" (Acid Bath) that the lyrics where formatted in continuous prose with several words in bold.  I wrote it out and it proves the validity of my paper presentation and legitimizes my inclusion of Dax Riggs poetry in my study of mythology and romance. The following poem in my opinion is the entwining of mythology and romance through the eyes of a Dionysian consciousness:

Laughing into forever

Acid party under the sun

Slow motion tranquilized

Stop confusion

Taste the bullet

Suck away the pain

A soft rope and dirty needles whisper suicide

Whisper escape

Handcuffed the king blue sun

Ripples inside the insect circles the dead

I’m bored

Bone the innocence love, pain, suck!

Kill the queen and whisper we want freedom

Let’s rape again

Nowhere avenue slowly fade trippin’ free

Trip with the sun

Hum the whisper of screaming anti-freedom

---Dax Riggs

Loose Ends

David Bowie in The Man Who Fell To Earth

I actually watched this movie at the beginning of the semester when is was mentioned and failed to work it into a blog until now.  I had to get over that the movie is almost three hours of David Bowie's scrawny naked white ass and intellectually evaluate the imagery in the film.  Overall, the film is a good representation of descent if you can sit through it. I'm a big Bowie fan. More of his music than his films, but since I watched this movie and my group ripped off The Labyrinth in our presentation I am compelled to discuss it, briefly.  The film depicts a physical descent to Earth and a psychological descent after the initial descent.  The film is a love story, but does not have a happy ending.  It was an interesting choice of film by Dr. Sexson and I can see why he mentioned it. Another film recommended by Sexson in mythologies class was Dead Man, an acid western starring Johnny Depp.  Every English Major should watch this film.

I had hoped to write about Alice In Wonderland, a story I have very deep and special connection to.  I had also hoped to write about the Princess Bride, a story that makes me feel sane. Unfortunately, due to time and other commitments I was unable to address these stories that I feel act as lakes with the streams of the ocean of stories.  As the streams of stories flow together to the ocean of stories along the way there are stories so complex and important they form lakes that the streams of stories pass through on their way to becoming part of the ocean.  

I could have written a 20 page term paper, but in papers I believe in getting to the point so I kept it short.  I could have further explored the whole Dionysus-music-wine-earth-intoxication-consciousness thing, but I feel I pretty much covered it in my blog. My discussions of TOOL, Acid Bath, wine, concerts, and breaks with consciousness in my blog hopefully built up to my term paper making it unnecessary to go into great detail in my paper concerning those subjects.

Special Thanks to: Rio, Jennifer Cooley, and of course Dr. Sexson

La la la la la la la Lie

What is the point of stories that aren't even true?  When first posed, I found the question to be quite absurd.  Of course there is meaning in fiction. Profound meaning.  We are all merely a collection of stories, some of us are even illustrated.  As we are all living books filled with poetry, adventure, romance, tragedy, comedy, and irony; it is the stories that are not true that binds all of us living books into a great anthology.  Without fiction it would be exceedingly difficult to relate to one another, music has this power as well, we would have a hard time understanding each other at all without the humanities.  The universality of fiction is the great connection, the stories about stories within stories, that harmoniously links us all as human beings.  What is the point of stories that aren't even true? That is like asking:  what is the meaning of existence? and for that reason it is a valid question.  When we study literature we are really studying ourselves, our history, our origins, our place in the world and in the cosmos.  I find those who study literature are usually seeking a greater understanding that science and religion have failed to  explain.
It occurs to me that much of my understanding is rooted in 'the lies of poets'.  I would not be the person I am today without these stories.  From this class I have learned that it is perfectly okay to be a hopeless and incurable romantic and perhaps that piece of leftover naivety will help keep me young; or at least keep me searching and learning.  I discovered during the course of the semester that Romance is not what I thought it was, it is in fact much more complex and universal than I had imagined.  Furthermore, Romance is like Mythology in that it is everywhere.  We are surrounded by Romance in the same way that we encounter Mythology in our daily lives.
It can be said that Mythology is all lies, yet these lies influence culture and humanity; the same can be said for religion.  Our origins and belief systems are rooted in stories, some are dismissed as lies and others rarely have their integrity questioned.  Regardless, it is the 'lies of poets' that make up our collective consciousness.  We use mythology, religion, fairy tales, and folklore to explain our origins, to teach our children morality, and to reconcile our very existence.  That is the point of stories that aren't even true.
I also discovered over the course of the semester that if you rattle off song lyrics in poetic form people will accept them as profound poetry instead of dismissing them as mere songs.  I understand that not everyone approaches music and literature in the same way that I do, but I found this concept amusing and hope to test it further in other classes.  For example, when my group was writing our presentation  Jill wanted the journey to take three days.  I immediately rattled off "shadows of the morning light, shadows of the evening sun, til the shadows and the light were one" which are the lyrics to Three Days by Jane's Addiction, which she liked and we then used.  For my term paper I used the words of Dax Riggs, "the kite string pops, I'm swallowed whole by the sky" from the Acid Bath song Bones of Baby Dolls to illustrate the break with and recovery of consciousness.  One of the students asked me 'who said that?' which cemented my belief in lyrical poetry.  Music, literature, and art bleed into each other flawlessly and are rightly named the humanities for they teach us what it means to be human.
The title of this blog comes from a song I've been listening to a lots since I returned from Arizona.  I think it relates to the class and my blog especially in dealing with the more violent aspects of literature and human nature.

Vicarious 
Eye on the TV. 'cause tragedy thrills me. Whatever flavor it happens to be
 Like:
"Killed by the husband" ...
"Drowned by the ocean" ...
"Shot by his own son" ...
"She used a poison in his tea,
Then kissed him goodbye"
That's my kind of story
It's no fun til someone dies.
Don't look at me like I am a monster. Frown out your one face, but with the other
Stare like a junkie into the TV.Stare like a zombie while the mother holds her child,
Watches him die, Hands to the sky cryin "why, oh why?"
Cause I need to watch things die from a distance. Vicariously, I live while the whole world dies
You all need it too - don't lie.
Why can't we just admit it?
Why can't we just admit it?
We won't give pause until the blood is flowin'
Neither the brave nor bold. Nor brightest of stories told. We won't give pause until the blood is flowin'
I need to watch things die from a good safe distance. Vicariously, I live while the whole world dies
You all feel the same so why can't we just admit it?
Blood like rain fallin' down. Drum on grave and ground
Part vampire, part warrior, Carnivore and voyeur. Stare at the transmittal. Sing to the death rattle.
La, la, la, la, la, la, la-lie (x4)
Credulous at best. Your desire to believe in. Angels in the hearts of men.
But pull your head on out (of) your hippie haze. And give a listen. Shouldn't have to say it all again
The universe is hostile. So impersonal. Devour to survive. So it is, so it's always been ...We all feed on tragedy.  It's like blood to a vampire.Vicariously, I live while the whole world dies
Much better you than I.
--Maynard James Keenan

The Call to Adventure

I hear the call to adventure every morning.  Either the alarm goes off or the kitties go off or sometimes both simultaneously.  I do not always answer the call to adventure. There has been many a day when I renounced life, ignored the world, and stayed in bed. But most days I do get out of bed and my adventure begins with a ritual.  Most days pass seeming to be the same as the one before, but no two days are ever truly

the same.  The music, stories, art, poetry, ideas, and epiphanies that enhance my intellectual and emotional development on a daily basis, guard against true monotony.  I am always on a grand adventure in my mind and have occasion to have adventures in the traditional sense.  Last semester, I had an amazing journey of the mind and self discovery in Dr. Sexson's mythologies class.  I blogged about music, concert experiences, and documentaries that seemed to take place on another planet.  I read stories, wrote stories, heard stories, told stories.  I began to understand why I have always been so very 'in to'

Arizona.  January 16, 2012

all the things that I am 'in to'.

The call to adventure came in the form of a text message.  At the beginning of this semester I had the extreme pleasure of traveling to Arizona to see TOOL in concert and visiting Caduceus Cellars tasting room, while visiting a very dear old friend I had not seen in several years.  We shared stories that had happened since we last saw each other, we laughed at stories from our youth, we talked about stories we had read; all while living and creating a story neither one of us would ever forget.

The call to adventure came in the form of an actual phone call--imagine that!  I was recently contacted by my High School English teacher to return to the Alternative Program and speak to the students about my adventures since high school.  What are the odds of this? 1 in 3.  It was during my time at the Bridger Program that I realized, under the guidance of Dave Swingle,  that life is like a choose your own adventure novel. What will I tell these kids about my adventure that may aid in their adventure?  Perhaps I will tell them about stories within stories. Adventures within adventures.  This is not my first time returning to the Program,  I am honored that I have had the opportunity on a few occasions to share my stories with kids that are very much like myself at that age.  Some of these kids have shared their stories with me and the experience has moved me to tears.  I'll never forget the teenage girl that came up to me after my last talk at the school and told me that she had hope after hearing my stories and that she was not going to give up on her father because she now believed that people can change.  I remember thinking to myself 'it was just a story, my story and who the fuck am I?, Nobody.  But in that moment I was somebody to that girl and my honesty, my story touched her life in some way.  That is the power of our stories, the meaning of our adventure; to lean and to teach.  A life well lived is one in which the learning never ends, by continuing to learn we continue the adventure.  Everyday is an adventure because this life is an adventure.  Perhaps that is what I will tell those eager young minds, to live their adventure the best they can, to learn from the adventures of others, and when called upon to teach others based on their adventure.

Term Paper

                              Dionysus: The Architect of Romance


Dionysus is the architect of romance in that he personifies one of the required elements, the remembrance/revelation; as the god of epiphany, Dionysus is known as the 'the god that comes'.  Additionally, Dionysus is present in numerous peripheral aspects of romance securing his place as the divine architect of Romance.  Dionysus is present in both the descent and the ascent themes of romance literature.  Dionysus, the 'twice born' is a male fertility god associated with nature and the seasonal cycle.  He is known to intoxicate and destroy as well as to arrive unexpectedly and possess.  As the god of wine and other intoxicants, such as music and dance; Dionysus is also the god of celebration, music, and ecstasy. He is known as a patron of the arts and the origins of theater are contributed to this multifaceted god of the harvest, wine, ritual madness, and ecstasy.  His role in the peripherals of romance include:  seasonal cycles, violence, Eros, sparagmos, and doubling.  Furthermore, Dionysus is the god of deconstruction and one of the goals of this course has been deconstruct romance in search of the elements that make for good story telling.  Dionysus is the 'beast-god within' and is thought to represent the unconscious mind.  His followers have traditionally been on the margins of society.  Classical romance is heavily linked to the aristocracy and the notion that 'blood will tell' without the marginalized followers of Dionysus (women, slaves, foreigners) and their contributions to these stories, the genre would not exist.
Dionysus, as the god of deconstruction has influenced the overall theme of the course.  As swimmers in the sea of stories, it has been pivotal to deconstruct these tales in search of their connection to one another and their connection to the reader over time.  Perhaps Dionysus is best known for his contribution to the peripheral aspects of the descent.  Doubling or twining is an element of descent that occurs so often it should almost be a required element.  Dionysus, “the twice born” is not only a symbol of rebirth but an example of this doubling.  The stories of Dionysus’ origins suggest that he is essentially his own twin.  The prevailing myths of the origin of Dionysus are that he is the serpent offspring of a union between Zeus and Persephone.  In her jealousy, Hera sent the Titans to destroy the baby.  Baiting him with toys the Titans tore the child to pieces and consumed all but his heart which was rescued by Athena.  Some versions state that Zeus then sewed the heart into his thigh and resurrected Dionysus, while other versions suggest that Zeus used the heart to impregnate Semele.  The myth of Zeus and Semele is the other prevalent version of the origin of Dionysus, in which Zeus rescues the fetus from his destroyed lover Semele and sews it into his thigh until he is ready to be born.  From the stories of Dionysus’ births the concepts of doubling, restoration, and duality are realized.  After all, Dionysus is very dualistic; he invented wine and the art of tending grapes; the nature of wine is that it has two sides.  One side brings joy and divine ecstasy while the other brings brutality and unthinking rage.  If he chooses, Dionysus can either drive a man mad or restore his sanity as is seen in the story of King Midas.      
Furthermore, the tales of Dionysus’ origins introduce the concept of sparagmos, which is deeply linked to the deity and lends itself to the peripheral elements of romance literature.  Sparagmos, or tearing of flesh, is not only present in Dionysus’ origins but follows both Dionysus and his followers throughout mythology.  Sparagmos often appears during the descent in romance literature.  Humans or animals are regularly torn apart or are slated to be torn apart, often by dogs or wild creatures in many romantic tales.  In Lucius or the Ass, the donkey’s carcass is to act as a prison for a young maiden so that she may be torn apart by vultures.  In this tale the donkey and the girl escape sparagmos but in Dahnis and Chloe, Dorcon is not so lucky and is torn to pieces by dogs.  This is not the only type violence portrayed in romance literature and Dionysus is known to have a violent nature.  In many tales of Dionysus he destroys those who resist and oppose him.  This is the goal of most villains in classical romance and mythology.  Dionysus is also an expert in seduction, “to seduce also means ‘to destroy’ in Greek (Calasso, 20).”  Dionysus is said to not only be outside his followers but within them as well.  He represents gratification and libido which are both heavily tied to violence, such as sparagmos and rape which are prevalent themes mythology and romance.  Due to the pervasive duality of Dionysus, he not only lends himself to violence but love as well.  “They desired something, they did not know what they desired.  This only they knew, that the kiss had destroyed him and the bath had destroyed her (D&C, 149).”  In Daphnis and Chloe, the lovers experience a ‘sickness’ that arrives unexpectedly and possesses them completely.  It is in this way that Dionysus acts in concert with Eros.  Dionysus connects the act of ‘falling in love’ to the theme of descent, in addition to bridging the gap between humans and the great god Eros.
In both Lucius and Daphnis and Chloe, wine is present as not only as an intoxicant, but as a medicine.  Wine includes herbal, floral and resinous ingredients that add to not only its flavor but its presumed medicinal qualities.  Whether by being used to calm, sedated, or heal; wine is present in most of the storylines in the required readings for the course further cementing Dionysus’ role as the architect of romance literature.  Additionally, wine itself is tied to celebration and ecstasy due to its powers of intoxication.  Music and dancing are likewise associated with celebration and ecstasy as ways of achieving intoxication without imbibing substances.  Celebration normally takes place in romance literature at weddings, funerals, and harvest time.  Thus illustrating the role of wine, music, and dancing in both the seasonal cycle and the life cycle.  In the pastoral setting of most romance, agriculture and fertility are paramount to the rejuvenation of the cycle of life and love.  Whereas fertility is often attributed to a female deity, Dionysus is the male representation or animus of a single concept of natural fertility which must contain both masculine and feminine elements to achieve balance.  Dionysus preserves the balance of nature.
Aside from his task of preserving the balance of nature, Dionysus preserves the balance of romance literature.  He is the embodiment of the remembrance/revelation aspect of the ascent.  “Self-recognition, or attaining one’s original identity, reverses all the Narcissus and twin and doppelganger themes that occur in the descent (Frye, 152).”  As the god of epiphany, Dionysus is responsible for recognition associated with the revelation aspect of ascent themes in romantic literature.  “In the nineteenth century, theories about an unconscious mind that never really forgets anything were starting to be developed, and such a mind supplies a possible setting for the recovery of a lost memory (Frye, 145).”  The Dionysian mysteries suggests that through the powers of intoxication and spirit possession that Dionysus is the ‘beast god’ within and is an early representation of what modern psychology refers to as the unconscious mind.  Dionysus is master of both the remembrance and revelation themes which signal the first level of ascent in romance literature.  Perhaps Dionysus’ most important role as a deity is his rule over the marginalized.  Whereas “Naïve romance confines itself largely to royal families; sentimental romance gives us patterns of aristocratic courage and courtesy, and much of it adopts a ‘blood will tell’ convention (Frye, 161),” Dionysus and his marginalized followers; women, slaves, and foreigners provide the setting in which most romance takes place.  Even though characters are revealed to be of noble birth, the story itself takes place among the marginalized.  Without the devotees of Dionysus there would be no setting in which the story unfolds.
Duality and cyclical movement are no doubt operating within the confines of romance literature.  Intoxication, celebration, violence, and Eros have their place within the genre.  The unconscious mind containing the remembrance and the revelation or epiphany is necessary to move toward a conclusion.  Dionysus is all of these things and as a result, he is the architect of romance.

Prospectus

Paper Title.  Dionysus: The Architect of Romance

Dionysus is the architect of romance in that he personifies one of the required elements, the remembrance/revelation; as the god of epiphany, Dionysus is known as the 'the god that comes'.  Additionally, Dionysus is present in numerous peripheral aspects of romance securing his place as the divine architect of Romance.  Dionysus is present in both the descent and the ascent themes of romance literature.  Dionysus, the 'twice born' is a male fertility god associated with nature and the seasonal cycle.  He is known to intoxicate and destroy as well as to arrive unexpectedly and possess.  As the god of wine and other intoxicants, such as music and dance, Dionysus is also the god of celebration and ecstasy. He is known as a patron of the arts and the origins of theater are contributed to this multifaceted god of the harvest, wine, ritual madness, and ecstasy.  His role in the peripherals of romance include:  seasonal cycles, violence, Eros, sparagmos, and coupling.  Furthermore, Dionysus is the god of deconstruction and in this course we have been deconstructing romance in search of the elements that make for good story telling.  Dionysus is the 'beast-god within' and is thought to represent the unconscious mind.  His follows have traditionally been on the  margins of society.  Even though classical romance is heavily linked to the aristocracy and the notion that 'blood will tell' without the marginalized followers of Dionysus (women, slaves, foreigners) and their contributions to these stories, the genre would not exist.

When she first laid eyes on him, she became instantly enraged. 'Who in the hell does this guy think he is? She had  always been the weird one, the alternative one, the one with the most flesh paintings; but no longer--she had met her match. They worked at night, in the hours when most of the world fell into slumber they labored so that the Daywalkers would have their supplies when they wiped the sleep from their eyes. The nights were long, at times they seemed unending, and she saw him often. At first their stations were next to one another and she would insult him, or at least try to insult him, every opportunity she had. As the weeks passed, she noticed their was something pure about him; something beautiful. The insults became conversation peppered with insults and he always took it in stride.
She was moved to another station and did not see him as often, but as unexpectedly as he had arrived he now possessed her. He was in the shadows of her every thought. She found every excuse to be see him, to be near him.  More weeks passed and they often laughed at one another and sometimes together. They played together like children whenever they could, or rather when ever she could trick him into being a part of whatever childish game she had devised to pass the time. She loved him like a third grader on the playground, a punch to the shoulder or the ego, she loved him like a child; intense and naive.
One night she began to laugh an uncontrollable laugh from deep within what was left of her soul, for the plague  of zombie dust had ravaged the town and she had been a victim, the laugh was pure joy and carried over to his station. When he heard the laugh he began to laugh loud and strong. She heard his laugh and continued hers from the joy of his. Before they were even aware of it they had wandered towards the laughter, towards each other. When their as met hers widened,--she knew him, she had always known him. They had been together in almost every life they had lived, they had been lovers and fraternal twins, he was her animus and when they were united they were one with each other and one with all things. In a flash she relived their entire past since the time of the gods and he looked away.
It tortured her as the night turned to day and then to night again. She never slept. She hadn't for years, the zombie dust made sure of that. She knew she was ugly. Blackened were her teeth, eyes, and soul. 'Its is this ugliness, this selfish indulgence that his soul doesn't recognize' she thought. She fell into deep despair, she fell deeper into the dust. She had no idea how to make his soul recognize her and she began to go mad. Her behavior around him became erratic and often mean. Several months passed and the light of his beauty was so bright it hurt to look at him. When she could bear it no longer, she left to become a Daywalker. She hoped she could cure herself him, of the dust or die, she didn't care which. It occurred to her that the life she had been living was no life at all.
Her quest for a life, any life at all was long. There was so much to do and healing takes time. Years passed and every time things seemed hopeless, she would hear his laugh. After a time he became a Daywalker too, whenever she was about to give up the fates would bring them together for but a moment; just enough for her to remember that she loves therefore she is alive, just enough to keep going. She tried to forget him. There were even times that months would pass with barely a thought of him, but he always crept in eventually. She would hear a song or have a dream, he was always there in the shadows of her thoughts and in the joy of her soul. She overcame her sickness, she breathed new life into her own soul, she fed her intellect. If she had been a disgusting Caterpillar when they had met, then now she was indeed a beautiful Butterfly. She wonder if his soul would now recognize her. Then she did not see him for a very long time, she wondered if he had moved on or gone home. He was not a native and had not been affected by the plague, he was free and could be anywhere.  She asked the humming bird to find her man. If he was around there would be no hiding from the energetic little flyer.
One day the humming bird returned with news....Ah! but I see the sun is rising and there is still much to tell, I will have to continue the story another night.

Suggested listening: "Vicarious" and "Jambi" by TOOL, "Southern Cross" by Crosby, Stills, and Nash,
                                "Amie" by Pure Prairie League